When the Script is Thrown Away
by HyperKat
Summary: Crazed reporter stalking crazed students at the crazed Hogwarts school. Brain issues. Harry & Draco= Incest...? Someone has a score to settle with Harry Potter.A lot of Oliver Wood & Sean B.!
1. Just a Little Bizarro Beginning

Before I begin, I gotta say I started this story before, but the chapter was short and I was just starting out. My sister has been explaining to me about how to get everything how its supposed to be. SOOO, theres a problem with my server or whatever and I CAN NOT delete the previous version of it, but I will do so ASAP!!!! So please DO NOT report me for this, I am doing the best I can, thanks!  
  
Enjoy my brain-challenged writing!  
  
  
  
BEHIND THE SCRIPT  
  
  
  
SCENE 1  
  
The narrator, Kat, sits on a director's chair and looks into the camera.  
  
Kat- Hello, all. For the next few days I will be stalking the students and professors of this school.  
  
Crickets chirp  
  
Kat- This school.  
  
Crickets chirp  
  
Kat-THIS SCHOOL!  
  
Man in back-Oh, Sorry!  
  
Hogwarts comes into view  
  
Kat-Ah.yes.this is Hogwarts. School of witchcraft and wizardry.or wizardry and witchcraft. Ah, who cares? Oliver Wood and Lee Jordan are students here, so what else matters? Anyways, view the school now, please. Good. Now to begin I'd like to say that-  
  
Leaves rustle and footsteps quickly approach.  
  
Kat-Move, Frank you egg-headed buffoon! *shoves Frank the camera man into the bushes and ducks down  
  
Draco and Ginny appear, hand in hand.  
  
Draco- Ginny, I-  
  
Ginny-Call me by my real name, you lug! *slaps him  
  
Draco- Ouch! Oh, not again.Okay. *says dramatically with much enthusiasm * REBECCA, I've been watching you and that Potty for weeks now. I cannot help but feel jealous. Tell me, tell me Gi.Rebecca.that he means nothing, nothing to you!  
  
Ginny-Oh, Blake-o, (Draco- Actually it's Draco.) I don't care about that hunk of hot, spicy boy who lived at all! I'll love you and only you forever, Steak-o! *They lock in a kiss  
  
Kat- 0.o Yes. I see my first investigation has bore fruits. Yeeeeeesss.Okay, so what do you say we see what our old pal Harry Potter is up to!  
  
Dunundundun!!!! *James Bond theme for all u poop-heads out there.  
  
Scene 2  
  
Kat- * speaks into her recorder * Yes. I am here in the Gryffindor common room, disguising myself as a tree. *Blends in as Harry Potter enters *  
  
Harry- Hermi-o, oh Hermi-o, where for art thou Hermi-o? Deny thy lightening shaped scar and refuse Harry Potter *rings hands * And go for that slimeball Crabbe. *sighs * Alas, I am here. Wanting the untouchable with my unsatiable longing for the one I cannot have. Oh, that's good! *takes out a little pink book (1) and writes it down  
  
Kat-*looks into the camera * Are you getting this Frank?!  
  
Harry- *looks up * Whos there??? *he looks around and then jumps into a toilet in the middle of the common room * This may look like an ordinary toilet in the middle of the common room..Because it IS an ordinary toilet in the middle of the common room! MWAHAHAHAHA!!OH, flying toasters of peril (2) why did I lose my medication?!?! *cries insanely *  
  
Kat- Yeeees...Now you have it folks, a swooning "Rebecca" and "Steak-o", and a lusty Harry Potter with his.Flying.toasters of.peril. Yes...What next?!  
  
Scene 3  
  
Later, in the Dungeons while Kat is disguised as one of Snape's blow-up dolls.  
  
Snape, while doing the macarena- I DON'T WANNA BE A SALMON, I DON'T WANNA BE A BASS, SO KISS MY- (3)  
  
*Knock, knock *  
  
Snape-A visitor?! 0.0 For meee?! * Smiles like a numb-nut and opens the door * What do you want from me?!  
  
Dude with a hat- Yes, indeed. Hello, Mr. Um.Snap.  
  
Snape- Snape.*mumbles *  
  
Dude with hat- I'm here to inspect the area, run a check on the potions and formulas and just you know, and make sure none of the students are being contaminated by anything.  
  
Kat-What? You mean my precious Oliver or Lee could be sick? NO!  
  
Dude with a hat- Mind if I take a look around?  
  
Snape-0.0 *a few minutes later * I DON'T WANNA BE A SALMON, I DON'T WANNA BE A BASS-  
  
Dumbledore- *charges in and points at Snape * Snape! Come quick! We've just gotten word that a Health Inspector with a hat was viscously fed to the rabid lawn gnomes!  
  
Snape- *Fakes a gasp and runs out of the room Phoebe-style with Dumbledore. *  
  
Kat- Appalling.  
  
Scene 4  
  
Kat- *walks the halls of Hogwarts looking for a new subject. She has given Frank a break*  
  
Lee Jordan-Yeah all you have to do is miss the shot, that's all!  
  
Oliver Wood-Yeah but why-  
  
Lee-Shh! * Spots Kat * Sup, Hot Stuff? You got a quarter?  
  
Kat- What for? Lee- Just wanted to call your mom and thank her.  
  
Kat- For what?  
  
Lee- Um.for having you.  
  
Kat-Ive heard better pick-up lines from a turkey sandwich.  
  
Lee- *scratches his head * Yeah, me too..  
  
Oliver- Me three.  
  
Crickets chirp.  
  
Scene 5  
  
Frank- Kat? Kat?! Kat, where are you?!!!  
  
Kat- *runs up to him * Whats up?  
  
Frank-My breaks over.hey, your make-up is smudged..  
  
Kat- Really? * takes out her mirror and touches up some *  
  
Lee and Oliver come up behind her, both of them shirtless and have lipstick slightly smudged on their cheeks  
  
Frank -I see you have been having a great time  
  
Kat- Um.yeah well anyway this concludes today's taping of Behind the Script.tune in next time. I have heard rumors about Hermione being in love with Crabbe and I intend to get some insight on that. Will Harry find his medication? Will I find any better disguises? When will I forcibly dress Frank up to look like Avaka, the magical cricket from Laloopyla Land?  
  
Frank- What?!  
  
Kat- Well, ask your teacher. If she doesn't know, then tuuuuuune in next time! I have to go buy more lipstick! Bye!  
  
THE NEXT DAY...  
  
Scene 6  
  
Kat- *looks into the camera * Heya again, thanks for coming back, even though I thought that the first parts would have scared you off.Well anyway. I've been thinking about my choice of costume lately and have decided that if I really want to see what's going on, I had better pose as a real student here. And so.I shall! *Puts on some Gryffindor robes on * And for the finishing touches. *Puts on a fake mustache * Cha! *Clears throat and walks into Snape's potion class where Gryffindor and Slytherin are having double classes *  
  
Snape-What ARE you doing HERE?!  
  
Kat- Yo, what's up man? I'm just a new exchange student from Delaware, not some eccentric reporter trying to get the insight on mixed up love stories and trying to get with Lee Jordan and Oliver Wood posing as a student. Pay no attention to me.unless you happen to be hotter than Oliver or Lee, you can talk to me, but that is IMPOSSIBLE!.and we will get along just fine.  
  
Crickets chirp  
  
Snape- Delaware? Where is.Delaware?  
  
Kat- Yes.it is. So anyways, where's my seat?  
  
Snape- Over there next to Draco and Parvati.  
  
Kat- * sits down next to Hermione *  
  
Snape- Okay. So anyway, We have been discussing the ingredients in Poe-nut Butter. The potions include Grasshopper wings, Goat Stomach, Sheep nose, olive oil, pringle salt, sugar.....  
  
Hermione- Hey, I'm Hermione. That's Ron, Harry, Neville, Seamus.oh and over there, that's Draco, Goyle and.Crabbe.*licks her lips, then goes on to tell every other persons name in the classroom* And your name is?  
  
Kat- * looks her over * Yes, it is.  
  
Hermione- *gasp* You are so hurtful!!! *eyes swell up in tears and she Phoebe-runs out of the room sobbing *  
  
Crabbe- * stands up and does a super man pose* I must go to Hermione, my beloved, for she is in despair because of unruly words.I must follow mi amor!  
  
Crickets chirp  
  
Draco- Have you always been able to talk like a smart thingie?  
  
Crabbe- Duh.uh-huh. *runs out of the room *  
  
Snape- Hamster Juice, and last but not least, hair of an Italian ridgeback horn-billed rough-winged ant.  
  
Kat- *snickers *  
  
Snape- You think something is funny, do you? Care to share it with the rest of the class?  
  
Kat- Well, I was just thinking about this thing that happened to me the other day. What happened was that I saw this one guy who looked something like you doing the macarena with blow up dolls.  
  
Even the crickets are silent  
  
Snape- Yes.Yes of course. Students please open your textbooks to page 1.from there read to page 703. New student, please come with me.  
  
Kat *follows Snape out of the classroom * What is it, man?  
  
Snape- *looks at her in disdain * I never got your name. What is it?  
  
Kat- Yes it is.  
  
Snape- *blinks * Don't play dumb with me, I'm onto you.You think this mustache fools the incomparable SNAPE?! * rips her mustache off *  
  
Kat- *gasps * NO!  
  
Snape- Yes!  
  
Kat- NO!  
  
Snape- Yes!  
  
Kat- NO!  
  
Snape- Yes!  
  
Kat- No!!! Okay, well maybe.  
  
Snape-That's what I thought. Now go to your seat evil hellion!!!  
  
Kat- *snickers and sits down in her seat *  
  
Scene 7-  
  
Kat, disguised in a huge foam Barney outfit, and Frank, disguised as Avaka, the magical cricket from Laloopyla land (2), appear in a green meadow with frolicking deer and rabbits in it.  
  
Kat- *looks into the camera * I have heard rumors that this spot right here.nicknamed the Heart's Garden.is an ideal spot to find swooners meeting late at night. How does one get to the Heart's Garden you ask?  
  
You- No, I didn't ask.  
  
Kat- Yes you did.  
  
You- No I didn't.  
  
Kat- Yes you did and you get there by touching the nose of the statue at the side of the lake.  
  
You- 0.o  
  
Kat- It is always daylight here and-  
  
Footsteps approach and Kat once again shoves Frank into the bushes  
  
Oliver Wood and Ginny.er.."Rebecca" Weasley appear.  
  
Kat- :-o  
  
Oliver- I love you Ashley!  
  
Ginny- I love you, Oli!  
  
They engage in a passionate kiss  
  
Kat- *eye twitches * R-r-rebecca? Err.. Ashley? OLI?! *walks over to the two, break them up and bang their heads together, then they all begin to fight *  
  
Frank watches as a huge Barney beats up a schizophrenic and someone who is way too old for her, then walks away.  
  
Scene 8  
  
Fizzy Sparx focuses the camera and then hops in front of it.  
  
Fizzy- So, now that Kat has been sent to an insane asylum for posing as Barney and beating up a schitzo, I, Fizzy Sparx, am now taking her place as reporter and promise to do a much better job then her. *Looks around, starts laughing and then shouts out* BAKED PORK AND BEANS!  
  
Frank- Hey, uh. Fizzy, you.you're frightening me.  
  
Fizzy- I am sorry, my poor, deranged, lonely camera man.  
  
A very creepy voice- Now that my plan against Harry Potter * shudders* has been formed and written out on this multi-colored construction paper- *giggles like a little girl * I can now, take action!  
  
Frank-Omigosh! Fizzy, that sounds like Harry Potter's arch nemesis, Voldemort, *gasps erupt from the audience * plotting an ultimate revenge scheme once again, although it is certain he will fail in carrying it out, for Harry Potter is a good guy, and the good guy always wins!  
  
Fizzy, while picking her nose- Hehehe.big words..  
  
Frank- Aw, *censored * this! *shoots Fizzy in the head with a gun, then focuses the camera in on him * People, this has been the first taping of "Behind the Scenes". Your probaby going to watch a different Newscaster. Ginny-whats-her-face is going to get out of the hospital wing and seduce Harry. Fizzy Sparx is going to graduate from kindergarten. I am getting another job. Thank you, and GOOD NIGHT!  
  
*Elevator theme music as the credits role *  
  
ENDING NOTES-  
  
Don't hate on me cuz I love that Irish hottie that just happens to be named Oliver Wood and that totally hot dude with dreadlocks named Lee Jordan. They're MY hotties, not yours!!!  
  
Also, em.these two days were meant to be two chapters, but um.well, I edited them together and I had the word "LATER" in it somewhere, so while I was editing them, I have no idea where it went, so um.I cant find it..so if its there, its there. If its not, its not..okay. Byeness!  
  
PLEASE,PLEASE, PLEASE GIMME SOME REVIEWS, MAN!!! If I get enough, watch for my next CHAPTER!!!!!!! 


	2. Voldie's Revenge

WHEN THE SCRIPT IS THROWN AWAY...Chapter Two This chapter is as crazy as the first was, but this time I have a plot to go with it! Okay, first chapter I forgot to give credit to J.K.Rowling for creating the characters, although I take full credit for my plot and my characters that I made up. If anyone tells you differently, well, then you can shove it up their *ring ring * Ahem, enjoy the story! *Runs to the teli *  
  
Oh, yeah.Guess who's back? Back again..Kat is back..tell a friend! Guess whos back, guess whos back, guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back, da-nene nene.. ((if your stupid and don't know what this is, its Eminem))  
  
Scene 1-  
  
Kat walks over beside the Fat Lady portrait and turns to the camera.  
  
Kat- Hello, all. And welcome back to "When the Script is Thrown Away". I'm sorry its been a while since we have filmed. I had to attend a friend of mines funeral.Poor Fizzy Sparx.Darn that Frank! Well anyway, I have a new camera man!  
  
* the camera man zooms the camera in on himself, revealing a really hot Latin guy. The really hot Latin guy waves to the camera *  
  
Really hot Latin guy- Hi!  
  
* Zooms it back in on Kat. *  
  
Kat- So, right now, I'm-  
  
Lee, who comes up out of nowhere- Whats the camera mans name?  
  
Kat- Where did you come from?  
  
Lee- There. *points to a blank wall * So whats his name?  
  
Kat- What? Err, um.. Why do you wanna know?  
  
Lee- Cuz he's hot, dude..I mean its not every day you come across a hot Latin camera man and he is REALLY hot!  
  
Kat- Yeah, okay.um.his name is John.  
  
Lee- John what?  
  
Kat- *laughs dryly * John Leguizamo..  
  
Oliver, who also comes up out of nowhere, with bandages wrapped around his head- What is a really hot famous Latin guy doing at this crummy old place?  
  
Kat- Wha-...Where did you come from?  
  
Oliver- There. So whats he doing here?  
  
Kat- Can I please get on with the story?  
  
Oliver- Okay...*looks at John Leguizamo, AKA the really hot Latin camera guy * Man, you were awesome in Sexaholix, The Pest, and Silence of the Lambs, man! *walks away *  
  
Lee, while walking away- Hmm..Lee Leguizamo...? John Jordan? *ponders *  
  
*crickets chirp *  
  
John Leguizamo- I wasn't in Silence of the Lambs...  
  
Kat-Okay then. So what are you doing here, John?  
  
John- You tied me up and said if I wasn't your camera man you would shove a swizzle stick up my pinga.  
  
Kat- Oh, yeah. I did, didn't I? So anyway, I will now attempt to get inside the Gryffindor Tower! *once again, puts on the rbes and the fake mustache *  
  
Fat Lady- Whats the password?  
  
Kat- Swizzle stick?  
  
Fat Lady- Nope. * sees the camera* Oh.oh my goodness, are we on air?  
  
Kat, while wondering how a 3 thousand year old fat hag would know about television- Umm. Yeah....  
  
Fat Lady puffs up her hair and waves- Hi Mom! Hi Dad! Hi Uncle Mary! Hi Aunt Tom! Hi-  
  
Kat slams the portrait open, flattening the flat- I mean, fat lady.  
  
Kat- That was easier than I thought.  
  
A few moments later, Kat and that really hot Latin guy appear in the GCR, while Ron and Harry are, you guessed it, playing chess and Hermione is sitting on the chair by them, with 4 broken brushes stuck in her hair.  
  
Ron sees Kat- Hey, arent you that girl that mouthed off Snape?  
  
Kat- I guess you could say that.  
  
Ron- Wow.I find you.very amazing and and.you know.smart and cool and.really hot.  
  
Kat- Do me a favor?  
  
Ron- ANYTHING!  
  
Kat- Go up stairs, take off all your clothes, and I'll be there in 3 minutes!  
  
Ron- YES! *runs upstairs, tripping on a toilet in the middle of the room * Hey, whats this toilet doing here?  
  
Harry looks off, innocently. Ron goes off upstairs.  
  
Kat- Took care of that.  
  
Hermione-Men.  
  
Harry- What are you doing here?  
  
Kat- Filming my show whats it look like, brain-dead?  
  
Hermione- Hey! Hes not brain-dead!  
  
Harry and Hermione look into each others eyes and smile like 4 year olds. They pucker their lips and get closer, closer, and closer until.  
  
Kat, into the camera- And Harry and Hermione suddenly look like they're about to eat each other's faces, and-  
  
Hermione looks away, and Harry falls off the chair from leaning too far.  
  
Hermione- That's nasty! Im going to bed! *stomps off *  
  
Kat- At 11 in the morning? Eh, British people.. Never did quite get them.  
  
Harry gets up from the floor and sits in a slump- Noone ever likes me..  
  
Kat- Yes, they do.  
  
Harry- Really?  
  
Kat- Of course! Havent you seen the way Draco has been looking at you lately?  
  
Harry- Uh, um...what?  
  
Ron, from upstairs- Im waiting, my little sugar plumb fairy!  
  
Kat- Time to go! * runs out, but trips on the toilet * Damn toilet..  
  
Scene 2  
  
Later, in the courtyard  
  
Fred, George, Oliver, Lee, and Gary are discussing the eccentric reporter.  
  
Oliver- Yeah, and you know that guy that plays the totally gay killer in Silence of the Lambs?  
  
Fred- Yeah?  
  
Oliver- He's with her!  
  
Fred- Really? Dude, that is off da hook!  
  
Lee- *background rap music starts up * WORD! *music ceases *  
  
Oliver- You know what?  
  
Fred- What?  
  
Oliver- I feel this odd connection with the name "Biggerstaff."  
  
George snickers- Biggerstaff? Your ego really is huge.  
  
Oliver- No, the name.I don't know I think I should have been named Sean Biggerstaff for some reason.  
  
Lee- I know what you mean! I think I should be called like Luke Littleblood or Youngblood or something, you know?  
  
Gary- Meow!  
  
All eyes turn to Gary  
  
George- Dude, the Spongebob Squarepants set is over there. *points over there *  
  
Gary turns and starts to leave.  
  
Fred- So whats he doing with that freak, anyway?  
  
Lee- He's probably twurking her twurk-u-later.  
  
George- You mean..  
  
Oliver- Lucky-ing her charms?  
  
Everyone looks at Oliver, then looks away.  
  
Fred-Huffling her puff?  
  
George- Leaking her cauldron?  
  
Lee-Gryffing her dor?  
  
Oliver-Catching her snitch?  
  
George- Hitting her quaffle?  
  
Fred- Screwing her cork?  
  
Lee- Crunching her captain?  
  
George- Fruiting her loops?  
  
Oliver- Picking her clovers?  
  
All eyes turn to stare at Oliver again and he turns red.  
  
Oliver- Hehe. Its an Irish thing..  
  
Lee- Jerking her gerkin?  
  
A very creepy voice-Frenching her fry?! *evil laugh *  
  
Everyone blinks, then looks over at . OMIGOSH! Voldemort in a pink pixie suit!  
  
Lee- Frenching her fry? Dude that is a bad euphemism.  
  
Fred- Yeah, try icing her cake or something, man.  
  
Voldemort glares- Fools! Do you not know who I am?  
  
Crickets chirp.  
  
George- Little girl scout?  
  
Oliver- Selling girl scout cookies??  
  
Voldemort- Idiots!!!!! I am..Voldemort!!!! *evil laugh *  
  
Fred walks up to him and pokes him.  
  
Voldemort- Argggh! *sets Fred on fire and watches Fred run around the courtyard screaming as passerby's stand and stare.  
  
Lee- You cant be Voldemort. Voldemort doesn't wear frilly pink tutus.  
  
Voldemort- Well I just got back from ballet lessons, okay?  
  
Fred runs into Voldemort. Voldie takes his wand and magically takes a bucket of water out of his tutu and pours it on him. *Sizzle, sizzle *  
  
George- Can I have your autograph?  
  
Voldemort- NO, you cannot have my-. *sighs and shakes his head * Look, you ignorant fools-. *walks toward them and trips on Gary, who has already traveled a whole 3 inches.  
  
Voldemort- Evil snail! *fries Gary *  
  
Lee-Oh my god! You killed Gary!  
  
George- You bass terd.  
  
Oliver- Aww, Voldie..  
  
Voldemort- Don't call me Voldie! Now listen, Im here to include you buffoons in my evil plan against Harry Potter *shudders , then passes around some multi colored construction paper with some instructions on them *  
  
The paper reads- HarRy PootTerR = DiE.  
  
Oliver- Wow. This is a very organized plan.  
  
Voldie- Yes, ha. I know. So are you going to help me or are you going to stand there just looking all.appetizing?  
  
Fred, from the ground- Appet-  
  
Voldie- I mean um.stupid, yeah, stupid.  
  
Lee, heroically- And if we refuse?  
  
Voldie- If you refuse I shall turn you into gerbils and feed you to the old men! Ah-hahaha, eh...  
  
George- But uh..Gerbils are cool.  
  
Voldie- BROWN..gerbils.  
  
George- NO! Not brown! Not that!  
  
Voldie- Okay then. Now, meet me in the "secret place" at 8 PM and find some way to lure Harry there as well!  
  
Oliver- Where is it?  
  
Voldie passes out more paper. This one reads- Yo iS heRr (------------------ ----------(SekRit PlAse  
  
Lee- Oooh.  
  
Fred- Ahh.  
  
Voldie- G-. *crumples up the script * WHY DOES THIS EVIL WORM PAPER READ VOLDIE?!  
  
Script- Because I do, now please let me go.  
  
Voldie- Oh, Im sorry, poor little paper. *uncrumples the paper * I didn't mean to hurt you.  
  
Script- I understand.  
  
Oliver- We will be there! If you can get that reporter-  
  
Lee- And that really hot Latin guy, don't forget him!  
  
Oliver- Oh, yeah..and that really hot latin guy... to come, too!  
  
Voldie- And if I refuse?  
  
Oliver- Than you will be depriving a really lonely and desperate Irish boy..um. .not me, though...of a warm-hearted love!  
  
Voldie- So? That would be awesome!  
  
George- Aw, just get the poor boys the girl!  
  
Lee- And the really hot Latin guy!  
  
George- And the guy!  
  
Voldie- Eh, okay, fine. Meet you at 8, okay? *pats Georges butt *  
  
George- Em. Okay?  
  
Fred, while chipping the dead skin off- Okay.  
  
Lee- As long as I get the really hot Latin guy, sure.  
  
Oliver-I would do anything to see her again. If only I could-  
  
Voldie- Okay, that's Cheerie.Seeya at 8!  
  
Voldie vanishes in a puff of pink smoke and passerby's are silent and staring.  
  
Crickets chirp  
  
George, while rubbing his butt- That was a massive invasion of my personal space.  
  
Scene 3-  
  
Kat- And where were you when you first met Harry Potter?  
  
Blade of grass-..  
  
Kat- I see.So what led you to be so interested in him?  
  
Blade of grass-..  
  
Kat throws her pen and paper up in the air- INGENIUS!  
  
Someone taps her on her shoulder. Kat turns around  
  
Kat- Yeeeess..  
  
Little boy- I have a message for you.  
  
Kat- Inform me, brain child.  
  
Little boy- Don't you want to hear my joke first?  
  
Kat- I am uninterested.  
  
Little boy- Knock knock.  
  
Kat- It is not a very funny joke is it?  
  
Little boy- You're supposed to say "Who's there?"  
  
Kat- Okay. Who's there?  
  
Little boy- Not yet! I have to say "Knock knock!"  
  
Kat- You are angering me!  
  
Little boy- Horseradish.  
  
Kat- What?  
  
Little boy- Horseradish, that was the joke.. wasn't it funny?  
  
Kat- Do you take medication, kid?  
  
Little boy- I might..  
  
Kat- What is the message?!  
  
Little boy- Some green guy in a tutu said he wanted you to come up to the secret place at 8 PM tonight.Okay?  
  
Kat- Where is this.. Secret place?  
  
The little boy hands her a note, which reads- Yo iS heRr (------------------ --------------------------------------------(SekRit PlAse  
  
Kat immediately looks into the camera- Are you getting this, John?!  
  
John- *looking at a magazine vertically * Oh, yeah..  
  
Kat- FOCUS, JOHN!  
  
John- Yes, ma'am.  
  
Kat turns back to the boy, who has mysteriously disappeared.  
  
Kat- You know John.. This whole secret thing smells a little ominously fishy to me, don't you think?  
  
John tosses his tuna salad over his shoulder- Fishy, uh. Yeah..yes, very fishy.  
  
Kat- I must investigate. But I cannot do it alone. I must ask you to accompany me, John. Up for it?  
  
John- Well not really. I-  
  
Kat holds a swizzle stick up.  
  
John- was just kidding, I would love to come with you!  
  
Kat- Good. I will need a more fool-proof disguise, though.  
  
John- What did you have in mind?  
  
Kat puts on a mustache AND a goatee- Okay. And what to do with you?  
  
John- Err..  
  
Kat shoves a sombrero on his head and attaches fairy wings to his back.  
  
Kat- Brilliance..sheer brilliance..  
  
John- 0.o (((weewoo)))  
  
Scene 4-  
  
Draco is looking at a Hamster Today magazine when 4 shadows creep up behind him.  
  
Draco turns around- What do you want?  
  
Lee- Well.  
  
Draco- Besides a life.  
  
Lee- :- (  
  
Fred- Well, we were kind of reluctant to ask, but-  
  
George- We need your help.  
  
Draco- With what?  
  
Oliver- Well it involves bringing very serious pain to Harry Potter, so we thought you might want in on it.  
  
Draco- Um, well..  
  
Lee- What, you don't WANT to hurt him??  
  
Draco- Well um, of course I want to hurt him!  
  
Lee- So whats the problem?  
  
Draco- There is no problem! I'll do it!  
  
George- Good!  
  
Draco- And he looks so cute when he's in pain.  
  
Oliver-Draco, are you gay or something?  
  
Draco- *crickets chirp *So where should I bring him?  
  
Fred- At the.* looks up, down, left and right * Secret place.  
  
Draco- Where is that?  
  
George hands him the multi-colored construction paper that reads Yo iS hErR(--------------( SekRitt PlaSeE  
  
Draco- Its so amazing.  
  
Lee- We know.  
  
Scene 5..at the Secret Place  
  
Harry Potter walks out onto the grass in an orange thong and looks around the yard, seeing signs everywhere that read "Thiis iss nut the sekrit plasee."  
  
Harry- There are so many places that arent the secret place. How will I find the real secret place?  
  
Harry trips over a sign that says "Thiis iss the sekrit plasee"  
  
Harry- Eureka!  
  
George, Oliver and Fred stand there with a bowl of popcorn. Lee is desperatley trying to make a pass at Ginny, but Ginny seems to be interested in Kat's camera man. Draco sits on the grass, fiddling with a piece of tape.  
  
Harry- Hey, whats going on? Malfoy, you said Hermione wanted to meet me here!  
  
Draco- Well, I have the choice to lie if I want to , don't I?  
  
Harry- Oh, this is just great! I get all dressed up-  
  
Everyone cant help but notice the thong  
  
Harry- -and for what? Nothing!  
  
Kat- Harry Potter seems very enraged, and-  
  
Harry rips the mic out of her and breaks it like a twig.  
  
Kat- Well, that wasn't very nice. Not to worry! I have a spare! *takes out a new mic * And he is wearing a particularily non- flattering orange thong.  
  
Oliver to Lee- Lee! Shes here! What do I DO?!  
  
Lee- I don't know.  
  
Oliver- What do you mean you don't know?! You told me you were the love doctor of Hogwarts!  
  
Lee- Oops..  
  
Oliver- Aw, great!  
  
Ginny suddenly backs up into the woods, unnoticed.  
  
Harry- Draco, why did you lie to me?!  
  
Draco- Cuz they told me to. *points to Oliver, Lee, George and Fred *  
  
Harry- WHY?!  
  
Lee- Sorry, man.some ballerina girl scout named Voldemort told us to.  
  
Harry- Ballerina? Hmm.Girl Scout? *ponders * The name Voldemort sounds vaguely familiar.  
  
Lee- I wonder why?  
  
Harry- I don't know. I just don't know.  
  
A very creepy voice laughs evilly somewhere off in the woods.  
  
John- That happens a lot around here, doesn't it?  
  
Oliver- Only recently.* stares at Kat*  
  
Voldemort suddenly appears with Ginny. Ginnys hair is messed up and Voldemort has lipstick all over him.  
  
Kat- And it looks like Ginny has been snogging Harry Potters arch nemesis. What next?  
  
Voldemort- You are angering me, girl. *rips off her mustache and her goatee *  
  
Kat- OW! *rips off a piece of his skin *  
  
Voldemort- Argh!  
  
Oliver- Shes even more beautiful without the facial hair.  
  
Voldemort picks up his wand and aims it at Kat- Now its your turn to feel my wrath!  
  
Oliver- NOOOOOOO! *runs over heroically, but trips on a rock on the way and falls unconscious.  
  
Kat- Sweet, but oh so sad.  
  
Voldemort- Fertonium Canteniosaum!  
  
Kat ducks down just in time and the spell goes hay-wire and hits the really hot Latin camera guy's butt.  
  
John instantly dies and burns into ash and is carried away by the wind.  
  
Kat- You jerk! I really liked that camera man! *pulls a matrix stunt on Voldie and kicks him in the head  
  
Voldemort- Why you little-  
  
Kat- Hey, watch it! I still got to keep this PG-13!  
  
Voldie mumbles- BIMBO!  
  
Kat- I know he did not!  
  
Lee- I think he did!  
  
Kat- No he aint!  
  
Lee- Yeah, he did!  
  
Kat- Well, Voldie-  
  
Voldie- SHE CALLED ME VOLDIE!  
  
Kat- I guess Im going to have to make you pay.  
  
Voldie- How much?  
  
Kat- How much ya got?  
  
Voldie- 3 quarters and a nickel.  
  
Kat- Deal.  
  
Voldie gives her the money and then turns to Harry, who is winking at Ginny.  
  
Voldie- And as for you, my little brother-  
  
Harry- Im your brother?!  
  
Voldie- Yes! You are the sole reason I turned evil! Mommie dearest and Daddy-kins rejected me for you, an orphan!  
  
Harry- I was adopted?!  
  
Voldie- Then your bimbo girlfriend Britney Spears spills that Pepsi on me and just.ARGH!!  
  
Harry- I was Britney Spears' boyfriend?!  
  
Voldie- No, I just made that up.  
  
Harry- Oh.  
  
Voldie- So now Im finishing you off and doing what I should have done a long time ago..*pulls out his wand*  
  
Lee holds the camera up for Kat- What is to become of Harry? Will Ginny quit seducing men and start seducing women? *looks over at the unconscious Oliver * What could me more pathetic than that? Who is Britney Spears' real boyfriend? What WAS I doing with a really hot Latin camera man? Was John jerkin my gerkin? All these questions and more will be answered when we return to When the Script is Thrown Away. My personal account of the Hogwarts schools. Come again, please.  
  
Voldie- Now your going to pay for everything you got that should have been mine.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Thanks for checkin my story! Please post reviews!!!!!!!!!!! 


	3. The Survivor Series

When the Script is Thrown Away  
  
Hello, again and welcome to the 3rd part of my first fan fic ever, When the Script Is Thrown Away! Its really kinda weird that you think Im funny. Most people just think Im dumb. Well, anyway, once again I say I am not the brilliant person who created these characters, J.K. Rowling is. Except for the characters I made up, of course.So, here it is.The not-so-long-awaited 3rd chapter to..  
  
By the way, in my story I make some comments about British and Irish people, but please don't take them seriously, I don't mean any offense.  
  
When the Script is Thrown Away!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Scene 5, continued  
  
Everyone that was previously at the secret place find themselves once again, at the secret place.  
  
Crickets chirp  
  
Harry- Does anyone remember what just happened?  
  
Lee- No, actually..It feels like were in a play and it just took days for the author to get back to us.  
  
Author- *rolls eyes * Good job, genius boy.  
  
Lee- Who said that?  
  
Crickets chirp.  
  
Lee- Hmmm.Curious.  
  
George- Hmmm.I smell Flashback!  
  
Fred- Flashback! Woo-hoo!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*FLASHBACK~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Voldie- And as for you, my little brother-  
  
Harry- Im your brother?!  
  
Voldie- Yes! You are the sole reason I turned evil! Mommie dearest and Daddy-kins rejected me for you, an orphan!  
  
Harry- I was adopted?!  
  
Voldie- Then your bimbo girlfriend Britney Spears spills that Pepsi on me and just.ARGH!!  
  
Harry- I was Britney Spears' boyfriend?!  
  
Voldie- No, I just made that up.  
  
Harry- Oh.  
  
Voldie- So now Im finishing you off and doing what I should have done a long time ago..*pulls out his wand* Your finally going to pay for everything you had that should have been mine.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~ FLASHBACK*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Kat- What an amazing turn of events.  
  
Fred looks at the still unconscious Oliver.  
  
Fred- We should hurry up and get this scene over with before he goes into a cobra or whatever those things are called.  
  
George- Your right, we have a quidditch game on Friday and we cant afford to lose him!  
  
Harry- Your right. *looks at Voldie and says heroically * It isnt my fault you were just a big fat ugly baby and I was so cute and cuddly-wuddly!  
  
Everyone notices Harry is still in his orange thong.  
  
Lee- Dude, put these on, this still has to maintain its PG-13 rating. *hands him some jeans *  
  
Harry- Thanks, man. * puts the pants on* Where did you get the extra pair?  
  
Lee, while standing only in a t-shirt and some lacey pink frilly underwear- What extra pair?  
  
Voldie- Enough! *aims his wand at him *  
  
George, Lee, Fred and Kat stare and grab their buckets of popcorn.  
  
Voldie- Wait a minute.this is what you WANT me to do! You freaks! Well Im not killing him right now.  
  
Lee- Damn! *pays 5$ to Fred * You win the stupid bet.  
  
Voldie- Instead, Im holding Harry hostage for one week. Follow if you dare, but in a weeks time, Im killing him! *evil laugh- *cough cough * evil laugh * *does a little dance, then vanishes in a puff of pink smoke with Harry. *  
  
Crickets chirp.  
  
George- Well, we better get old Oli here to the hospital wing, he has to be in tip-top shape for the game on Friday.  
  
Lee- Yeah, looks like were going to have to save Harry, too, we don't have a replacement seeker.  
  
Fred- Your right.  
  
Crickets chirp  
  
Kat- Hey.where did Draco and Ginny go to?  
  
Lee- You don't wanna know, girl. Trust me. You don't wanna know.  
  
Kat- This stinks, I still need a camera man!  
  
George hands her a slip of paper- This guy is great, you ask him to do anything, he'll do it!  
  
Kat- Seriously?  
  
George- Yeah! Hes great!  
  
Kat- Thanks, man. *reads the paper, then says to herself * Hmm. I wonder who Sean Biggerstaff is?  
  
Scene 6-  
  
Oliver lies sleeping in the hospital wing, when he suddenly flutters his eyes open and comes to.  
  
Lee- Good lord, Oli! We thought you were done for!  
  
Oliver- Huh? Uh.OMIGOD! What happened?!  
  
Fred- Well..  
  
Oliver- Did I save her, huh? Huh?  
  
George- Um.  
  
Oliver- Um, what? Um, what?!  
  
Lee- No, you didn't save her.  
  
The excitement suddenly fades away from his face.  
  
Oliver- What? Well, what happened then?  
  
Fred- You were gonna save her-  
  
George- But you tripped on a rock.  
  
Lee- And went unconscious.  
  
Fred- Yeah, then Voldie tried to kill Kat-  
  
George- But the spell ricocheted-  
  
Lee- And killed the really hot sexy Latin guy instead!  
  
Oliver- Aw, great, she must think I'm the-  
  
Fred- The most pathetic thing ever.  
  
Oliver- She said that?  
  
George- *nods *  
  
Oliver- Fabulous. *buries his head in his arms * I might as well go back to Ireland and date Molly, the town cow!  
  
Lee pats him on the shoulder.  
  
Lee- Its okay Oliver. I mean, look at you. Your nice, funny. Your smart, cool, pretty good-looking. You have a nice body.your totally sexy, and-  
  
Oliver- Lee! Please! I just got tragically rejected! I don't need some gay fruit telling me how sexy I am!  
  
Lee- What? Im not gay.  
  
Oliver- Er, your not?  
  
Lee- No!  
  
Oliver- Oh.  
  
Scene 7-  
  
Kat- Well, he said I could just call you, but I appreciate you coming all the way from Ireland to come to this interview.  
  
Sean Biggerstaff- No problem.  
  
Kat- So, do you have any experience with taping?  
  
Sean - Well, once I taped my fingers together.  
  
Kat- Really?  
  
Sean- Yeah!  
  
Kat- Would you be prepared to accompany me on dangerous missions?  
  
Sean- Such as?  
  
Kat- Like tomorrow morning I have to seek out an evil sorcerer with the power of three, not two, but three 5 year olds with only the help of a couple guys who are proof that Jesus died in vain.  
  
Sean- Wow.three 5 year olds, huh?  
  
Kat- Yup.  
  
Sean- Im up for it.  
  
Kat- Your hired!  
  
Sean- Awesome! So whats the pay like?  
  
Kat- You get no pay.  
  
Sean- Huh? Well I don't really want to work for you then!  
  
Kat- Have you ever heard the phrase."Swizzle Stick?"  
  
Sean- Id be honored to work with you.  
  
Kat- Thought so.  
  
Sean- *mumbles *  
  
Kat- Hm, you look familiar. Have you ever acted?  
  
Sean- Yes, actually. I was Tom, a little weird kid in "The Winter Guest" and I played Oliver Wood in the Harry Potter movie.  
  
Kat- Oh, yeah! Man, you were so hot in that movie! So, whats your status?  
  
Sean- I am devilishly good looking and single. *Smiles and winks to the camera and gives a thumbs up after his tooth sparkles *  
  
Kat- Dude, you ARE egocentric.  
  
Sean- Yes, Its one of my many talents.  
  
Kat- Um, yeah.  
  
Scene 8-  
  
George- Come on, Oliver! We have to go meet Kat at the secret place!  
  
Oliver- I cant decide what to wear!  
  
George- What are the options?  
  
Oliver- Well, I have this baby blue sweater, this navy blue sweater, this black sweater, this grayish colored sweater..Oh, and this white sweater. OH, THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS!  
  
Fred- Well, what would a girl find sexy?  
  
Oliver- Why don't you just ask Lee? He should know.  
  
Lee- Hey!  
  
Oliver- Kidding!  
  
George- Just wear the navy one, were running out of time!  
  
Oliver- Then what jeans will I wear?  
  
Fred- What????  
  
Oliver- I can wear these 3 pocket jeans, or-  
  
Lee- Wear the 3 pocket jeans!!!  
  
Oliver quickly gets dressed.  
  
George- Are you going to give her the charm bracelet you gave your last temporary girlfriend?  
  
Oliver- No, Someone already stole it again. *sighs * They're always after me lucky charms.  
  
Lee snickers.  
  
From somewhere else in the dorm-  
  
Ron- I'm still waiting, my heartstring!  
  
They all look at each other.  
  
Lee- I'm not even gonna ask.  
  
A few minutes later-  
  
Lee, George, Fred and Oliver walk to the edge of the dark forest where Draco is waiting.  
  
George- Aw, blimey, what are you doing here?  
  
Draco- Hey, who knows? Someone as.edible.as Harry might need some proper saving from someone who doesn't smoke Badgers. *shoots a nasty glare at Oliver *  
  
Oliver- Okay, one that was a direct violation of badger code 17564. Don't ever, under ANY circumstances insult the badger. Two, badgers aren't smoked, you British cracker. And three, you're the reason Voldie took Harry in the first place, Draco!  
  
Draco- What?! You guys told me to bring Harry to the secret place!  
  
Fred- We did not!  
  
Draco- Did too!  
  
Fred- Did NOT!  
  
Draco- Did TOO!  
  
Lee- Have any proof?  
  
Draco- Wha-  
  
George- Sh!  
  
Draco- Bu-  
  
George- Sh!  
  
Draco-Wi-  
  
George- Shhhhhhhhhh!  
  
Draco-...  
  
George- Good.  
  
Draco- Bu-  
  
George- SHHH!  
  
Kat suddenly appears, followed by the scrumptious Sean Biggerstaff carrying the camera.  
  
Lee looks at Sean- Hey, whos he?  
  
Oliver- I don't know, but hes devilishly good looking.  
  
Sean- And single. *winks and thumbs up at the camera *  
  
Fred- Hey, Oli, I think he stole your face.  
  
Sean- No, he stole my face.  
  
Oliver- Hey, I know you! Your- *dun dun dun! * Sean Biggerstaff!  
  
Sean- Thank you, genius boy.  
  
Oliver- What are you doing here?  
  
(George- Dude, Im seeing double!)  
  
Sean- I'm this lil lady's new camera man.  
  
Oliver- WHAT?!  
  
Sean- Yup, your not worthy of the position as camera man.  
  
Oliver- Oh, and you are? Don't think I didn't see that little performance you did in "The Winter Guest".  
  
Sean- You mean-  
  
Oliver- M-hmm.  
  
Oliver and Sean look of dreamily into space and a vision comes up of a young looking Sean Biggerstaff sticking some junk in his pants. The vision goes away.  
  
Lee- Whoa, man! What was that?!  
  
Oliver- That was a flashback, my good man.  
  
*~*~*~FLASHBACK! 0.o *weewoo * FLASHBACK! *~*~*~  
  
Lee- No, I mean that junk he put in his pants, what was it?  
  
Everyone looks at Sean.  
  
Sean- Hey, what can Sean say? Sean's Biggerstaff obviously wasn't big enough when Sean was that age. How was Sean supposed to know that it would make Sean's Biggerstaff burn like bloody hell?  
  
Oliver- Why is Sean referring to Sean in the 3rd person?!  
  
Sean- Sean did no such thing.  
  
Oliver- There you go again!  
  
Sean- What ARE you talking about?  
  
Oliver- I don't like your tone!  
  
Sean- WHAT tone?!  
  
Oliver- I sense attempted sarcasm, you jerk. That's bad. Very bad.  
  
Draco- Can we get on with this? We DO still have that quidditch match on Friday.  
  
Fred- Blimey, your right.  
  
Kat looks into the camera.  
  
Kat- You have it, viewers at home. What was once a desperate attempt as a reality show has now actually become that, reality. As the seven of us embark on an epic journey to get our Harry Potter back, we have to ask- Can we survive each other? And, to my horror and dismay, my completely innocent show has now become..  
  
SURVIVOR!  
  
Lee- Kudos., and all that, but will you please give Oliver his thesaurus back so we can get on with this?  
  
Kat- Okay. *hands the thesaurus back to Oliver, who wraps the book in plastic wrap and labels it- "The object of my undying affection touched this book". *  
  
Kat- Seriously over-dramatic, that one.  
  
George- *nods *  
  
They all set off.  
  
Scene I forgot which scene Im at-  
  
After 3 minutes of walking-  
  
Fred- Im hot. Im cold. I have to rest my body. I have to use the potty. Im hungry. Are we there yet? Im tired. How far?  
  
Author- The seven continue to walk on, knowing they are missing their classes and Snape will soon be joining them.  
  
George- He will?  
  
Lee- We do?  
  
Kat- *smacks Lee's face, hard. *  
  
Lee- Bloody hell, what was that for?!  
  
Kat- There was a mosquito.  
  
Lee- Oh.  
  
Oliver- Lord, my feet hurt!  
  
Draco- Will you shut up?  
  
Oliver- Me shut up?! After the first seven minutes, you got that Sean character to carry you on his back because your feet hurt and then he had you on his back and his camera equipment on his front, I mean come on! If you were any heavier, his back would be broken by now!  
  
Draco- Aw, shove it, fruitcup.  
  
Oliver takes out his wand, points it at Draco and says- Abera-cadabera, frilly underwear!  
  
Draco suddenly has on some launderee' (sp?) aka some pink French Frilly underwear Ginny has on when shes snogging.  
  
Draco- Why you- *reaches for his wand, but finds Oliver has stolen it *  
  
Draco- Freak.  
  
Oliver- Blondie.  
  
Draco- Yeah, well NEWSFLASH! Noone likes Saint Patricks day, eh?! Hahaha!  
  
Oliver frowns and looks down. *sniffle *  
  
Fred- Hehe, nice bra, Draco.  
  
Draco- Not half as good as the one my dad got me.  
  
Crickets chirp as everyone stares at Draco, then looks away.  
  
Kat- So what if Voldie went the other way?  
  
Lee- Where supposing in the off chance that he went this way, cuz we all know how this stories gonna end anyway.  
  
Kat- Really? How?  
  
Lee- Well, were going to stumble across a sorcerer with a emerald green fire and then hes gonna direct us in some mystical and mysterious way to Voldie and then one of us will be deleted from survivor round 1, and then were gonna find out that Draco and Harry are really brothers and they're going to admit their incest filled affair to all of us and then all will be well with the world.  
  
Draco- Incest filled affair?! Ugh, you have a sick mind, Lee!  
  
Lee- Learned from the best. *nods at George and Fred, who are holding hands. * Hey, since when do you two hold hands?  
  
Fred- Err, were not holding hands.  
  
Lee- Sure looks like it.  
  
George- No, its just your imagination.  
  
Fred- There are no hands, hands are just a myth, forget hands.  
  
Lee- *thumbs up * Gotcha.  
  
Suddenly they see in the distance an emerald green fire. Everyone looks at Lee, who shrugs and keeps walking.  
  
Kat- I have to go to bed, Ive gotta end this chapter up.  
  
Sean holds up the camera for Kat.  
  
Kat straightens her hair- This has been Chapter 3 of "When the Script is Thrown Away." Will I fall for Oliver Wood? *snort, laugh * Is Lee really a gay fruitcup? (Lee- HEY! :- ( ) Is Lee phsycic? How did Lee get what George and Fred were talking about? Does Lee idolize the twins? Why am I asking so many questions about Lee? What kind of sorcerer makes a green fire, anyway? Are hands really a myth? All this and more, next time.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N Please R/R!!!! Any suggestions or thoughts or criticizes are welcome! Let me know if you want a certain person or situation to appear or take place. I take bets, thanx! Watch out for my next 2 stories, "The Tutoring Session" and "Interviews in the Bathtub". PLEASE R/R LIKE A GOOD PERSON!!!!!! 


	4. I'LL MISS YOU!

When The Script Is Thrown Away  
  
Chapter 4  
  
I said I wouldn't continue it. I vowed I wouldn't continue it. I believed I wouldn't continue it. So why am I continuing it, you ask? Well, let me tell you a little pre-story.  
  
One day, I was walking to school, when suddenly, a voice spoke to me from above-  
  
"HEY YOU LOUSY KID, QUIT MAKING SO MUCH NOISE DOWN THERE, IM TRYING TO SLEEP!"  
  
Good ol' Mrs. Jenkins. But then I came across a little birdy. It said to me-  
  
"You know, you should finish that story, When The Script Is Thrown Away."  
  
And then it flew off. Then it hit me, and I got the idea came to me-  
  
"Hey, I should finish that story, When The Script is Thrown Away."  
  
So, here I am..Once again, eating my words. Sigh.  
  
~*~  
  
  
  
Chapter 4,- I'LL MISS YOU!!! ((Rd. 1))  
  
The six idiots ((and the rather delicious and nutritious Sean Biggerstaff)) all gather around in the woods. The seven of them-  
  
George- Why do you keep saying seven? There are eight!  
  
Nono, there are seven.  
  
George- But look! Me, Fred, Oliver, Kat, Draco and that Sean guy!  
  
Ahem.  
  
George- Oh.But that's six!!!  
  
Look over at Lee, ya cracker.  
  
George looks at Lee, who is staring intently at Oliver's butt.  
  
The seven of them look rather confused.  
  
Cricket, cricket.  
  
Sean- *grin, sparkle sparkle*  
  
Cough.  
  
Kat- Does anyone remember what we were doing?  
  
Snape shrugs.  
  
Fred- OY! Where'd you come from?!  
  
Snape shrugs again.  
  
Lee- We were looking for that green fire, werent we?  
  
Kat- Oh, that's right. ONWARD!!!  
  
They continue to trudge on, nearing the emerald fire.  
  
Fred- Who makes a green fire, anyway??  
  
George- Obviously that sorcerer.  
  
Lee- Actually, its sorceress.  
  
Kat- Zoom, the camera on Lee, Sean.  
  
Sean checks himself out in the camera lens.  
  
Kat- SEAN!!  
  
Sean- Yes, ma'am. *zooms it in on Lee*  
  
Kat- Lee, how is it you know this?  
  
Lee blows on his fingernails- I'm just good.  
  
Kat- It must be the dreadlocks.  
  
A newspaper boy runs through the forest, yelling- EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT!  
  
He passes Kat and hands her the paper- Take it, m'lady. Arm yourself with knowledge! *runs on*  
  
Everyone- 0.o  
  
Kat- Hm, a paper boy out in the middle of a forbidden forest. How quaint!  
  
She opens the paper up.  
  
Kat- Voldemort-  
  
*gasps*  
  
Kat- Has been spotted wearing a particularily unflattering pink pixie suit...Sean, you getting this?  
  
Sean- Yupperz, I sure am. *putting nail hardener on his fingernails, the camera lay forgotten*  
  
Kat- He has said to have captured Harry Potter, and seven-  
  
George- SIX!  
  
Kat- seven of Hogwart's students and one professor have gone off to track him. Hmm..How do they know??  
  
Everyone looks back, seeing a group of camera men and reporters trailing them.  
  
Kat walks over a reporter- Hey, move it blondie, this is MY story!!  
  
Blonde reporter- Oh, yeah?  
  
Kat- YEAH!  
  
Blonde reporter- *snaps her fingers*  
  
Her camera man, Jay Leno, steps up, almost knocking over the camera with his big chin.  
  
Kat- Hmm.*snaps her fingers*  
  
Cricket, cricket.  
  
Kat- *snaps her fingers* *clears her throat* SEAN!  
  
Sean- Hey, I ain't coming!  
  
Kat looks at the blonde- Ahem, one moment please. *looks at Sean* WHY NOT?!  
  
Sean- Well, excu-use me! For one, I just did my nails, and 2, did you see his face? Or maybe you can't see straight, he has 3 chins!!!!!  
  
Kat- Be that as it may, you're MY camera man and I said MOVE IT!  
  
Sean walks over.  
  
Kat- There now, that wasn't so hard, was it? Now, where were we?  
  
Blonde- *glares*  
  
Kat- *glares*  
  
Both- Attack!  
  
Jay Leno whacks Sean on the side of his head with his 3 chins.  
  
Sean falls to the ground.  
  
Kat- *glares* THAT does it.  
  
Lee- Oh, no. Girl, you done gone over the limit.  
  
Blonde- What are they talking about?  
  
Jay Leno- *shrugs*  
  
Kat- You've gone and dropped the bomb. *snaps her fingers*  
  
All the sudden it's night, and a spotlight is suddenly shown on-  
  
All the cameramen and reporters-OMIGOD!!!!! IT'S RICKY RICARDO!!  
  
Ricky- BABALOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
All the cameramen and reporters-NOOOOO!!!  
  
Jay Leno- The horror!! THE HORROR!!!  
  
They all run away.  
  
Kat- Thanks, Ricky, I owe ya one.  
  
Ricky- Yes, you do. When I get 'ome, Ima 'ave some splainin' to doooo!!!! *walks away*  
  
Kat- *looks down* Oh, no! Sean! *kneels down next to him*  
  
Dramatic background music starts up.  
  
The rest run over to the lying Sean.  
  
Lee- Kat, I think hes dead.  
  
Oliver-:-D !!!!  
  
Kat- :-O No! No, he's not dead! He's not! Speak to me, Sean!!  
  
Sean flutters his eyes- The chin.horrible. So....horrible.  
  
Kat- Don't think about that now! How are you feeling?  
  
Sean- My teeth.  
  
Kat- Do they hurt?  
  
Sean- No. No, are they still shiny? *reveals his teeth*  
  
Sparkle, sparkle.  
  
Kat- Yes, very very sparkly and shiny.  
  
Sean- That's good. Kat?  
  
Kat- Yes, Sean?  
  
Sean- Tell my mother *cough cough*...tell her... that Gilligan loved her.  
  
Kat- Are you still sad about losing your brother? Sean, there's always a chance that the ship washed up on the shore of some uncharted desert isle!  
  
Sean- No. No, Kat. The Minnow is lost. Tell my father that I'm the one who broke the dancing chipmunk..  
  
Kat- :*-( *nods*  
  
Sean- Getting darker-  
  
Kat- No! No, Sean! You listen to me! Are you listening??  
  
Sean- ...  
  
Kat- Good! Now you pay attention. Your going to die an old, old lady. Warm in your bed. Not like this, not today!  
  
Sean- I love you..  
  
Kat- ...*sniffle*  
  
Sean- *clears throat* Ahem, I love you..  
  
Kat-...*sniffle*  
  
Sean-O.o  
  
Cough,cough.  
  
Sean- *dies, and then the music stops*  
  
Kat- OH, THE HUMIDITY!!!  
  
Lee- Um, it's *humanity*  
  
Kat- YEAH! THAT TOO!!! OH, WHY?!?!?!?!?!  
  
Lee- Guess we'll have to bury him..  
  
Everyone-O.o  
  
A while later-  
  
Lee- Um, Kat?  
  
Kat, sniffle- Yes, Lee?  
  
Lee- Um, you forgot his head...  
  
Sean's head sticks up from the ground.  
  
Oliver- No issue! *slams a big rock on top of the delicious corpse's head with a sickening crunch* A deed is done!  
  
They begin to walk on.  
  
Kat- But, wait. Shouldn't we say a few words?  
  
Draco- Uh, he was a credit to cameramen everywhere?  
  
Kat- OH, WHAT A BRAVE MAN, GOING INTO DUTY LIKE THAT!!! So young.SO DELICIOUS!  
  
Cough, cough.  
  
Kat- Oh, well, let's go.  
  
They walk on.  
  
Kat- WAIT!  
  
Draco looks disgusted.  
  
Draco- WHAT now?!  
  
Kat- I have no camera man!!!  
  
Draco- Well, in my day, Ive been known to-  
  
Kat- WAIT! I have an idea!!! *takes out her dial-a-cameraman*  
  
Mutter mutter, beep beep.  
  
Kat hangs up the phone- Eureka!  
  
A limousine pulls up in the forest and who steps out of it, but-  
  
GASP! MICHAEL JACKSON!!!  
  
M.J.- *strikes a pose*  
  
Everyone-O.o *cricket*  
  
Kat- YOU'RE my new cameraman?  
  
M.J.- Well, who were you expecting, Rupaul?  
  
Kat- Ahem, YEAH.  
  
M.J.- Oh. Well, close enough.  
  
He grabs the camera and shoots different angles.  
  
Kat- Ahem, yeah. Okay, well.ONWARD!!!!!  
  
They trudge on, nearing the flickering emerald flames.  
  
M.J., shooting different plants- Oh, yeah, work it, BABAY-  
  
Finally, in about 33 and a half seconds-  
  
They stumble upon a sorcerer's-  
  
Lee- SORCERESS!!  
  
-sorcerer's camp.  
  
Sorceress-  
  
Lee- EH! I told ya!  
  
Liar.  
  
Sorceress- Halt! WHO GOES THERRREEE?!  
  
Kat- Um.me?  
  
Sorceress- Oh, well in that case. *hops out*  
  
Kat-*GASP* BRIANA?!  
  
Briana, Kat's older sister- Um.yes?  
  
Kat- *twitch* What the hell do you think your doing? This is MY story!  
  
Briana- Hey, it's a free country, aint it?  
  
Kat shrugs- I dunno.Is Britain a free country?  
  
Cricket.  
  
Kat- Draco?  
  
Draco- *shrugs*  
  
Briana- OMIGOD...Draco?? Draco Malfoy?? Is that really you?!?!  
  
Draco- Uh, it might be.  
  
Briana-Because if it IS you, perhaps I will give you exotic pleasure.  
  
Cricket, cricket.  
  
Kat- Uhm, not even on a good day, Briana. So how's about it, eh? You know where we go?  
  
Briana- Um.*points left*  
  
Kat- You sure?  
  
Briana- *nods*  
  
Kat- Yeah, alright. Here, have a souvenir.*picks up Snape and hands him to her*  
  
Briana- O.O  
  
Snape- O.O  
  
Blink, blink.  
  
Briana- Are YOU my biatch?  
  
Later-  
  
M.J.- Yes, yes, yes, yes- NO! NO!! NO!!!  
  
Everyone- MIKE!  
  
M.J.- Um, yes?  
  
Draco- It's a tree! It cant do much else!  
  
Kat glances at her watch- Well, woulda lookie at what time it is.  
  
Everyone- *gasp* And what time would that be, Kat?  
  
Kat- Iiiiiiiiit's...  
  
Everyone-ELIMINATION TIME!!!!  
  
Kat- Wahoooooo!  
  
Lee- TIFA!!!!BIFA!!!!  
  
Two skimpy blonde girls in bikinis come out with some cheap "The Price Is Right" music and a bingo ball holder.  
  
  
  
Kat- *looks disgusted* O.o  
  
All the guys....except for M.J.- :-D  
  
Kat- What are they here for?  
  
Lee- Uhm, I thought they could help us out in choosing who gets eliminated.  
  
Kat- What? No, we don't choose, the viewers do!  
  
Everyone looks at you.  
  
O.O  
  
Cricket, cricket.  
  
Lee- What?! Hey, well than I want my money back!! *holds his hand out to the blondes*  
  
Tifa- Nono, all sales final.  
  
Bifa- *nods*  
  
Lee- RIP-OFFS!  
  
They get into a cat-fight.  
  
Everyone- O.o  
  
Kat shrugs, then walks up to you and whispers.  
  
You- *mutter, mutter*  
  
Kat- *gasp* NO!  
  
You- *mutter, mutter*  
  
Kat- *gasp* Yes???  
  
You- *mutter, mutter*  
  
Kat nods coolly and strides over.  
  
Kat- And the eliminated one is..drumroll, please....  
  
George pounds on a drum.  
  
Kat- GEORGE WEASLEY!!!!  
  
The drum stops.  
  
George- WHAT?! NO!!!! I was the drumroller, I cant be eliminated!!!!  
  
Kat- Hm, your right, too risky. Even though everyone does think Fred's cuter.  
  
(George- HEY! Fred- *shrugs*)  
  
Kat-It will have to be..drumroll, please..  
  
Cricket, cricket.  
  
Kat- LEE JORDAN!  
  
Lee- O.O!! What?! No! But.Kat! We pledged our love to each other!  
  
Oliver- :-O The traitor!  
  
Kat- I did no such thing.  
  
Lee's lip quivers- Bu-but where will I go???  
  
Everyone looks over at Author and Chloe.  
  
Lee- O.O!!!!!! NOOOOO! Not the "other" story! Anything but that! No, Kat! Please don't make me go.  
  
Kat- *sigh* I have to make you leave.  
  
Lee- Bu-bu-bu-  
  
Kat- But I suppose we can have about 10 minutes-  
  
Lee-Over there?  
  
Kat- In the bushes?  
  
Lee- On the ground?  
  
Kat- Or in a tree???  
  
Blink, blink.  
  
Kat- Better make it 15 minutes.  
  
15 minutes later-  
  
Kat and Lee come out of the bushes.  
  
Kat- Well, bye, Lee, thanks.  
  
Lee- WHAT?!  
  
Kat- I told you you'd have to go.  
  
Lee- NO! I'll never go!  
  
Lee eyes Author and Chloe frightened.  
  
Author- *lix her lips and unbuttons a button*  
  
Lee-Well, maybe for a little while...  
  
Kat and Lee snog a few more moments..  
  
((A peach is a peach, A plum is a plum. A kiss ain't no kiss without some tongue!!!))  
  
Kat- All done, bye bye!  
  
Author and Chloe drag Lee away kicking and screaming by his dreadlocks.  
  
Kat- And all is-  
  
M.J. bumps into her, shooting her ass.  
  
Kat- *twitch* *whistle*  
  
Chloe comes back, picks up M.J. by the crotch and carries him away.  
  
Kat- And all is right with the world.  
  
Oliver picks up the camera and aims it on her.  
  
Kat- And so ends our first round of-  
  
Oliver- Your very photogenic, you know that?  
  
Kat- :-/ And so ends our first round of SURVIVOR!!! Harry Potter style..or.Harry Potter SURVIVOR style..or whatever.  
  
They all kinda just stand there.  
  
Cricket, cricket.  
  
George- Are there six now?  
  
Kat- I believe so.  
  
Cricket, cricket.  
  
They all start snogging each other and end up having a six-some.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
CHYA!!!!! Well, there ya go. I'm guessing there are less Lee Jordan fans out there.which really sux cuz Lee Jordan is the shiznit, man!!! He's so hot, sexy.hmm.I wonder what he'd look like shirtless.or pantless.O.O Excuse me, I have to be alone now.  
  
*Walks off*  
  
Lee Jordan walks on stage, petrified.  
  
Lee- STAY--- AWAY--- FROM THE OTHER STORY! YOU'LL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN!!!!!!!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
BTW, THANKS FOR EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED ((NOT MANY, HINT HINT)) LOL.  
  
The whole "Author" and "Chloe" and "The 'other' story" thing is my sister's, Book-Lover-210. But since you can't look up her name, look up the story: Hogwarts: WHAT ARE THEY TEACHING THESE KIDS???!!! Its damn funny and you should read it. Well, Ive made all my whatever you call em.  
  
Guess what happened to me today??? Well, I was asked to be gay with someone after I told them about my prior sucky relationships with guys. Very encouraging, really. Well, bless you and may peanut butter oompa loompas be with you always. I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!! 


	5. Angst McDonalds

When The Script is Thrown Away Chapt. 5  
  
Hey pplz...Got over my little writers block there, and suddenly, I have been fulfilled with a whole NEW inspiration! *keeps watching the hamster dance website..hehehe.funny hamsters.*  
  
Characters not mine ((cept for the OC's!!!)) and u know.everything else aint mine, so der...its all J.K. Rowlings! WHO ROX! She rocks even more cuz she created Lee Jordan!!!  
  
Lee- *hmph*  
  
Heeeeey, whats up, dog diggy dog, what wrong witcha, luva boi?  
  
Lee- You eliminated me!  
  
Jeez, your on that again? Theres no pleasing you, is there?! *walks away*  
  
**PLEASE REVIEW!!!**  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
Chapter 5  
  
Narrator- When we last left our-  
  
Kat- oh, knock it off! Anyone whos reading the FIFTH chapter would most likely have read the last 4, now shoo,shoo!  
  
Narrator- O.O *tear* NO ONE APPRECIATES ME! *runs away*  
  
Kat- Good. Now..When we last left ourselves, Lee was just eliminated, Michael Jackson was carried away by the crotch, and I hadnt shaved my legs in weeks.  
  
*shrieks!*  
  
Fred- 'Bout sums it up.  
  
Kat- But, again, my camera man has been killed and/or murdered and/or eaten and/or has become so self absorbed hes turned anorexic and he's so thin I cant see him anymore and/or taken to 'The Other Story", so..I NEED A NEW ONE!!! You know, Im really sick of them dying off on me all the time.but who cares? I need my baby..*picks up the phone and dials*  
  
Kat- Hey, babe.yesh.yesh..yesh..yesh.nono, HOLD the mayo, HOLD! Yesh...OOOOOOOkay then!  
  
Oliver- Was that the camera people????? Kat- No,no.that was my mom!  
  
Everyone- Oooooh.  
  
She picks up a phone again and dials- Hm? Yes? Good. *hangs up*I got me a camera man!!!  
  
Crickets chirp.  
  
Draco- Ya know..all of your camera men have either been really really hot...or theyve been Michael Jackson.I WONDER which one itll be THIS time?  
  
Everyone nods, when suddenly-  
  
AINT NO PARTY LIKE A NICK CANNON PARTY CUZ A NICK CANNON PARTY DOOOONT STOP!  
  
*theme song rolls on...*  
  
Everyone-*question mark..*  
  
Draco- Oooooh! I'll bet its Michael Jackson!!!!  
  
Nick Cannon pops out of nowhere-No! Its me, baby! Nick, from Nick!  
  
Kat scrunches up her face like a weenie- ISNT he presh-ums?!?!  
  
Nick- Haha.yes, I know.  
  
Kat- Okay, so heres the camera! *tosses him the camera*  
  
Nick catches it- Im SO versatile! *flashes a smile*  
  
Suddenly a Big Mac falls from the sky and lands on the ground.  
  
Draco- FOOOD!  
  
Disembodied Voice from above that only Draco can hear- WAIT DON'T EAT THAT!  
  
Draco- Why not? Im starving!!!  
  
Disembodied Voice- If you plant it, it will grow.  
  
Draco- What???  
  
Everyone- O.o Disembodied Voice- If you plant it, it will grow.  
  
Draco- Plant what? Who will grow?  
  
Kat- Draaaaaaco, what are you talking about?  
  
Nick- Girl, that cats whacked!  
  
Disembodied Voice- *scoffs impatiently* If you plant the big mac, an large corporate industry of McDonalds will erupt and sprout up in the Forbidden Forest!  
  
Draco- But.But I don't care! I want to eat it! Why should I listen to you?!  
  
Everyone- O.O  
  
Disembodied Voice- *smacks lips* Because Im a mythical disembodied voice! Now.if you plant it, it will grow! *fades away*  
  
Draco- I KNOW WHAT I MUST DO!!! *pause*  
  
Draco takes a bite out of the Big Mac.  
  
Cough, cough.  
  
The disembodied voice fades back- PLANT IT!!! IT WILL GROW!!!!  
  
Draco sighs- Oh, fine!  
  
He plants the burger, then walks back to the group.  
  
Draco- Can you BELIEVE that voice?  
  
Everyone- O.O *blink,blink*  
  
Kat- Draaaaaco...  
  
Draco- Yesh?  
  
Kat- I..uhm.ah.you.nevermind.  
  
They continue walking, when suddenly-  
  
RUMBLE, RUMBLE, RUMBLE!!!  
  
They all look behind them to see- AHHH! A GIANT McDONALDS HAS ERUPTED FROM THE GROUND!!!!  
  
Fred and George- Bloody hell...  
  
Kat- Holy Buddha.  
  
Oliver- Its so beautiful!  
  
Nick, instantly rolling tape- THAT'S what Im talking about!  
  
Draco-*blink,blink* Now what the hell is that? Where is my Big Mac? It was supposed to grow! Now, now.WHAT is THIS? *walks over to the McDonalds* W- what is it? I DON'T UNDERSTAND.. AGAIN!!!! I cant eat this!  
  
He bites the corner of the wall and tries to chew the cement.  
  
Draco- ITS.NOT...WOOOORKING!  
  
Everyone else walks inside, leaving Draco sobbing outside.  
  
Once inside-  
  
Kat- Ooooooh!  
  
Oliver- Look at all the disgruntled teens!  
  
Kat looks around- Christ, where did my camera man go??  
  
Somewhere else in McDonalds-***  
  
Nick is hanging around with three girls, Brittany, Ashley and Rachael. Brittany's trying to get it on with him, Ashley is just kind of standing there, and Rachael has been "secretly crushing on him ever since they were in the 3rd grade together", although Nick and Rachael have never met..ahem, don't ask...  
  
Brittany- So, Nick.Do you want to grab a burger with me?  
  
Nick- No, Im sorry..I cant eat burgers. They make me sick.  
  
Brittany- Oh, well how about a McFlurry?  
  
Nick- Are you kidding? Ice Cream gives me diarrhea!  
  
Brittany- Oh, well uhm..Hey! Are you just making up excuses because you don't like me?  
  
Nick- Are you crazy? Girl, Im mad for you!  
  
Brittany- Oh, okay then.. how about the movies? I hear Harry Potter 2 is playing!  
  
Nick- Sorry, those theatre seats make my butt itch.  
  
Brittany scrunches up her face and walks over to Ashley.  
  
Nick turns to Rachael- Hey baby, hows about you and me go and get some burgers and a McFlurry and then we hit Harry Potter 2 at the cinema???  
  
Rachael- Oh, sure!  
  
Brittany drops her mouth in horror- How could you?!  
  
Ashley- Yeah, that was like so mean!!!  
  
Nick- What?  
  
Brittany- I just asked you if you wanted to get a burger, a McFlurry or go to the movies!!!  
  
Nick- Hu-uh!!!!! *walks away with his arm around Rachaels waist*  
  
Back at the entrance to McDonalds-  
  
Draco walks in- Okay, I give up on the cement. whats up, Oliver?  
  
Oliver- Nothing much home-diggy dogg.  
  
Draco- Word..*nods*  
  
Some totally preppish chick comes over- Hey, Oliver.I had a fun time with you last night.  
  
Oliver looks around so Kat doesn't hear- Uhm.what? Who are you?  
  
Chick giggles loudly- You know who I am, silly! Its me! *giggles with a snort at the end* Im MEEEGAN!!!  
  
Draco- O.o  
  
Megan- Oh, and Drraaaco! I soooo love you! *giggles snottily and cradles herself around Dracos arm*  
  
Draco- Um..*pushes her away*  
  
Megan- Ugh..*whiney* Draaaaco! Why'd you dooooo that???? *snuggles with Oliver*  
  
Oliver- Yeah, Draco..u aint man enuff or something?? HAHAHA!  
  
Megan- HAHAHA!  
  
Draco- HAHAHA!  
  
Megan stands up again and walks to the side- Maybe I should leave you boys alone.. I cant decide who I like better..  
  
Draco walks over to her- Here, let me help you with that decision...  
  
He grabs her shoulders, pulls her close and looks deep into her eyes, and gets closer, and then- he spins her around and shoves her toward Oliver.  
  
Draco- He looks better than me, and has a tighter ass! *runs away*  
  
Oliver looks horrified.  
  
Megan pouts, but after circling Oliver a few times, shrugs.  
  
Megan- Well, you DO have a tight ass..  
  
Oliver- Well, I try.  
  
Megan- And THAT'S what I like about you! PIGGYBACK!!!!! *hops onto his back*  
  
Oliver- JOY!!  
  
Kat comes over with a double cheese burger- Yummerz! Well, off to da forest!  
  
Nick, with Rachael still at his side- COMING!  
  
The group leaves the McDonalds, and stop after a while of walking.  
  
Kat- Well, you guys know what time it is???  
  
Oliver, panting- Time to drop all Megan's over a cliff??  
  
Megan, still on Olivers back- HAHA! No, silly!  
  
Kat- Uhm..yeah.well its time to pick our next one to be eliminated!!!  
  
Some dude in a mask walks out with an envelope.  
  
Kat- O.o *takes the envelope* DRUMROLL PLEASE!!!  
  
Nick- Ahem, THIS is where I come in! After all I was in that movie, Drumline where I conveniently win the whole school over and the love of my life with my uniqueness and individuality while playing the drums..*whips out a drum and bangs on it*  
  
Kat- OLIVER-..Wood..  
  
Oliver drops Megan- What?! NO!  
  
Kat glares at the guy with the mask and then rips his mask off.  
  
Kat- *sigh* LEE?! Why do you keep doing this? Your out! You've been eliminated!!!!!  
  
Lee- But- but-but-but!  
  
Kat- Yes, yes, I KNOW you like my tush, But that's no excuse!  
  
Lee- But.but..  
  
Kat- Its not all that great of a rear end, alright???  
  
Everyone- O.o  
  
Lee- but..buuuutt!!!  
  
Kat- WHAT is this fascination with my fanny? You have to go!!!  
  
Lee- Bu-...yes, dear. Ill see you back at home??  
  
Kat- *blink, blink* I suppose...I'll put a blanket down in my closet, okay?  
  
Lee nods and walks away.  
  
Kat- NOW. The one eliminated is.......NICK CANNON!!!!  
  
Nick- Dude, cat, that's-...WHAT?! HOW AM I ELIMINATED?!?!?!?!  
  
Kat- That's what the card says! Nick Cannon!  
  
Kat shows him a card with the words "Draco" and "Malfoy" on them.  
  
Nick- Oh.Well, in that case...BEAM ME UP, SCOTTIE!!!  
  
"Author" and "Chloe" run in and tie Nick Cannon up.  
  
Kat- Wait! *she walks over* Nick..Im sorry for everything that weve been through, alright, suger? Nick- No, no, it was my fault. Don't blame yourself, baby.  
  
Fred- Hmm..this calls for some dramatic background music!  
  
Ludacris runs out- I WANNA.LICK LICK LICK LICK YOU FROM YOUR HEAD TO YOUR TOES! AND I WANNA-  
  
George- No, no, that's not right!!  
  
Spongebob Squarepants comes on- F IS FOR FRIENDS WHO DO STUFF TOGETHER!!!!  
  
Fred & George- THAT'S IT!  
  
The song continues as Nick and Kat reminisce..  
  
Kat- But through all this, there is one thing I want you to remember..  
  
Nick- What is it, my love???  
  
Kat- I was only in it for your money. Well, that and your arm. Your arm is so totally very hot and yummy, I couldn't help but fall for it.  
  
Nick- But.but.  
  
Kat- Oh not you too.lay off my ghetto booty!  
  
Nick- BUT!  
  
Kat- Now, Im going to take this *yanks his arm off*  
  
Nick- OWWWW!!  
  
Kat- And your going to go with the nice psycho killers, k, hun?  
  
Nick looks at Author and Chloe, who are grinning evilly.  
  
Nick- But.  
  
Kat- INFIDEL! STOPPIT! Now, take him away, girls..  
  
Chloe drags him away, leaving a sobbing Rachael behind.  
  
Kat folds Nick's arm up and puts it in her backpack.  
  
Kat- Oh, and take Pinkie McPrep and Lovergirl, too man.  
  
Chloe hops over and drags Rachael away.  
  
Author comes to pick up Megan, but-  
  
Megan- Youll never take me alive, NEVEEERRRRR!!!!! *hops off Olivers back and runs away* FRRREEEEEDDDOOOOOOMMM!!!!!!!!!  
  
Author shrugs and walks back with Chloe.  
  
Kat- SO great..were back where we started. 3 people we didn't even start out with today were eliminated, and I don't have.well, actually I have the ARM of a cameraman.. I wanna go home..  
  
Oliver-But we are in the middle of the forbidden forest.  
  
Kat- Well, yes but the real Kat is, at this moment, boredly sitting at a boring desk writing a boring story that only bored to death people are going to read..so..this stories over with for right now.She will update later.  
  
Everyone- *gasp* Ah, ooooooohhhhh..NIGHTIR, READERS!!!!  
  
Kat- Don't you guys mean, "nightie?"  
  
George- No, no we mean Nightir!!! You wouldn't get it you non- British thingie..  
  
Kat- Ah.. Yees, I see..Well, anyways, that about raps it up for tonight.  
  
Everyone- NIGHTIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Tune in next time!!!!!!!!!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Well, it wasn't great but it wasn't bad. Dontcha think, babe?  
  
Lee, fuming- YOU..TOOK.HIS.ARM!!!  
  
Oh, are you still on that? You are sooooo 5 paragraphs ago.  
  
Lee looks down and mumbles.  
  
But if it makes you feel any better, I also stole his ear when no one was looking.  
  
Lee looks up- Aw, you mean that??  
  
With all my heart, baby.  
  
Lee- Your so sweet..  
  
Ha, yes, I know...  
  
Lee- Do you wanna snog now??? Or..later..?  
  
Over..coffee?  
  
Lee- That would be..yes, yes I think that would be splendid!  
  
JOY!  
  
*off they frolick*  
  
Nick Cannon stumbles on stage- I bet that hooker didn't tell you what ELSE she took from me, did she?!?!?!?! SHE TOOK MY-  
  
*end chapter* *please review!!!!* 


End file.
